To The Ladies And Gents That Like Cutting Onions
Has kindness ever made you tear up?
There are many kinds of people in this life. Among them, is a special specie. Special breed.
They sneak into your story like tiny, unexpected miracles, leaving you blinking back tears like, “Ah ah, who’s cutting onions?”
Has someone been kind to you before?
The kind of kindness I'm talking about is so soft, so unforced, so ordinary, it finds a quiet seat in your memory and never quite leaves.
Kindness Might Not Be What You Think It Is.
Kindness is often mistaken for Passivity. Saying “yes” to everyone and everything.
But that’s not quite it.
Kindness isn’t just about being sweet. It’s about being intentional.
It’s noticing.
It’s doing good when you could have walked away.
It’s choosing tenderness in a world that rewards cynicism.
Sometimes, it is holding someone accountable gently, or choosing silence when your words would bruise.
Kindness is not about the absence of anger. It’s about the presence of heart.
And you see, not everyone finds kindness easy. Not because they’re wicked. Sometimes, life has made them suspicious of softness.
They’ve been punished for being tender before.
*Element credit: Canva
So, I asked around. Not formally, not on a Google form. Just in a casual, I-just-want-to-know kind of way.
The question was, “when was the last time someone was kind to you, like truly, unexpectedly kind?”
Eiii, talk of an open floodgate of emotional responses. Even I was quite surprised.
Because when kindness shows up, it may come quietly, but it never leaves quietly.
Let me tell you some of their stories.
Darasimi
“I didn’t have money for food in school. Pops was still expecting his long overdue salary. I had tried to stretch my provisions, but it was one of those hard weeks.
That evening sha, I was sitting outside my hostel when this girl from my department, someone I didn’t even talk to much, walked by, stopped, and just said,
“You look hungry.” It stung and I wanted to vex even though I knew she was probably joking. I just laughed awkwardly.
This girl went upstairs, only for her to come down with a bowl of noodles, boiled egg and all.
She said, “Eat.”
Tosin fr, I can never forget it, even if I try.”
Temmy
“You and your questions this girl🤨. I was stranded at Ojota one time like that. In 2023. My phone was dead, and I had no money. I had begged the conductor (na me even mess up), but he wouldn’t listen.
Then, this man beside me just said, “I’ve paid for her.” I didn’t even catch his name.
He dropped at the next stop but, before then, I almost used “Thank you” to wound this man.
He didn’t ask me questions. Didn’t say anything else. That act humbled me. I’ve tried to be kind like that person since. If you notice you'll see that I started having sense small small around that time.”
Temmy please 😂😂.
AY
“Babe, this question wey you ask me like this, you know I've never really given it deep thought.
The experience coming to mind is that time I had a presentation and my zip tore on my way. I told you now. Thankfully, I wore leggings under my trousers because of the cold.
Hmm, God no go shame us for this life.
I rushed into a roadside tailor’s shed and asked him to help. He looked at me, saw my panic, and just nodded.
He fixed it quickly.
When I brought out money, he said, “God sent you here, don’t worry.”
Ahhhhh.
Tosin, I walked away in tears.
One funny part to that story is that two days before that day, I had ranted on my status about Lagos tailors and how they happened to me, almost making me to miss a friend's wedding due to their inability to deliver on time.
This particular tailor didn't even have a proper shop, his shed was by the roadside, and oh how he happened to me, in a good way.”
Bam Bam
“I know you know me as a scholar o, but, one time, I failed a course I had worked so hard for.
I was ashamed and devastated. My parents still don't know about it till today.
I couldn’t tell anyone except one friend. She didn’t laugh, didn’t make it spiritual. She didn't even say sorry. She just came to sit beside me that evening with bread and yogurt.
You know what she said? “We go again.”
It entered my soul.
That was everything to me. Everything.
Oya tell me, how can I ever forget that kind of person?
Ko possible (It's not possible).”
Kifayat
“This would probably shock you T, coz, this is the first time I'm mentioning it.
Ma binu (please, don't be offended).
Last year, my mum was in the hospital, and I couldn’t attend my project defense.
When I told my supervisor, I expected anger or indifference. Instead, she looked at me and said “Family first. I’ll reschedule. Go take care of her.”
I was shocked to my bones. This woman used to be very stern o, I don't even know what happened that day.
She kept her word. She waited for me. I graduated because she chose kindness.
How many supervisors can do that one?
See ehn, I've written it in my diary that I'll buy her a car when I hammer with this my food business. Inshallah. I'm not even joking.
That day, I forgave all her sternness from year one. I love that woman. It just meant a lot to me, honestly.”
See, many times, kindness shows up without an introduction.
A bowl of noodles, a paid fare, a quiet presence.
It’s someone choosing to see you when they have absolutely no reason to.
*Excerpt from my “The Rookie’s Rukky.” (Also on Substack)
So yes, this is for the ladies and gents who like cutting onions.
The people who don’t know that what they did mattered, but it did. The ones whose kindness has helped us beautifully. Thank you.
You make the world feel like hot Milo on a cold July morning.
For some, people have told them they’re “too harsh” for too long, and now they don’t know how to try without mocking themselves.
Hear me:
You can be kinder than you feel.
And no, that’s not hypocrisy. That’s practice.
Like prayer. Like playing the guitar. Like learning a new language on Duolingo.
You can practice kindness until it becomes muscle memory. Until your hands remember how to give, even when your feelings are far far away from giving a care in this world.
What If I Don’t Feel Kind?
That’s okay. Feelings are real, but they’re not rulers.
You can be tired, disappointed, overwhelmed and still choose kindness.
Sometimes, it’s as small as not replying with sarcasm.
Or checking in with a friend, even when you're not feeling 100%.
Or forgiving that person… again.
You don’t have to feel kind to act kind.
It’s not performance.
It’s stewardship.
What If I’ve Been Labeled Unkind?
What if the people around you have boxed you into “the rude one” or “the one who doesn’t care”? And What if you believed that label too?
Here’s something people don’t say often:
You are allowed to outgrow the former.
You are allowed to wake up one day and say, “That version of me was real… but it’s not final.”
You are not stuck.
People might take time to believe the change. Some may never fully adjust their lens.
That’s their journey. Yours is to keep showing up as the new you, even if no one claps.
Redemption stories aren’t for applause.
They’re for freedom.
So Tosin, How Can I Be Kind?
It might not always be by grand gestures.
But by practicing small, consistent ones.
Reply messages. Or apologize when you can’t.
Check in with people, not just when you need something.
Resist the urge to clap back.
Give people the benefit of context. Don't just jump into the bath tub of conclusions.
Share your food. Your time.
Say “thank you.” Say “I’m proud of you.” Say “I was wrong.”
Kindness is how we touch heaven, even when we don’t look like the carnal definition of holiness.
And To You, My Friend Trying to Be Kinder...
You who are trying to be kind again after seasons of anger...
You who laugh at yourself because being kind still feels awkward...
You who are kind, but tired of being taken for granted...
You who are already kind and crave kindness from others too...
This is for you too.
You are not foolish.
And the world is better because you’re trying.
*Element credit: Canva
PS: If someone has ever been kind to you in a way you’ll never forget, send them this post. Or text them. Or write them a note that says: “You made my world warmer. Thank you.”
If you’ve never had that kind of moment yet, you sure will and maybe the next one will be you creating it for someone else.
So, please don’t stop.
Thank you.
Bye Bye❣️✌️
This made me feel all warm inside. Thank you, Tosin. 💓